How many paragraphs is an essay supposed to have? I'm getting different answers from everyone

I thought I had this figured out. In high school, it was five paragraphs. Always. Introduction, three body, conclusion. Done. Easy.

Now I'm in college and every professor seems to have a different answer. One says "as many as you need." Another says "around 8-10 for a standard essay." A third says "paragraphs are arbitrary, focus on ideas." WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

I asked my TA and she said "it depends on the argument." That's not helpful! Everything depends! I need numbers! I need rules! I need to know what "normal" is so I can at least start!

My roommate (junior) says she averages about 5-7 paragraphs per 1000 words. So a 1500-word essay might be 8-10 paragraphs. But then she said "but it's not about the number, it's about developing each idea fully." Okay but how do I know when an idea is "fully developed"?

I went to the writing center and the tutor said each paragraph should be 150-250 words on average. So if my essay is 1500 words, that's 6-10 paragraphs. But then she said "but some paragraphs can be shorter for emphasis and some longer for complexity." I'm losing my mind.

My friend from another class says her professor requires exactly 8 paragraphs for every essay. Introduction, 6 body, conclusion. Every time. That sounds so nice. So clear. So easy. Why can't all professors be like that?

I've been staring at my draft for hours trying to count paragraphs and rearrange them and make them fit some invisible standard that doesn't exist. I've written and rewritten the same paragraph four times because I couldn't decide if it should be one paragraph or split into two.

Someone please just give me a number. A range. Something concrete I can hold onto. How many paragraphs is a NORMAL college essay? Is there such a thing? Or am I just supposed to guess forever?

My first college essay I literally counted paragraphs from a sample essay online and tried to match it exactly. Got a C with "your argument is buried under arbitrary structure" written on it. CRUSHING.

The TA who said "it depends on the argument" is technically right but also not helpful for us anxious people who just want RULES.

Something that helped me: outline first WITHOUT thinking about paragraphs. just bullet points of everything you want to say. THEN group related bullets. each group = a paragraph. the number just emerges naturally.